What keeps me trying and persisting with optimism is my faith in God, fun with friends, and comfort from the family. No matter how old I get, no matter how innovative I want to be, no matter how independent I am I come back to these three things. Without them the other facets of life are without passion. I think we all know that anything without passion is a drag (picture yourself at the BMV renewing your driver license).
At times I have wanted money to fulfill me. I suppose I am referring to my "hefty" ING savings account. At times I have wanted beauty to fulfill me. It was so easy at the time because those are two things that I had access to. But, it doesn't take more than a few days that I am dead on the inside fueled by something that is so superficial I can easily see God wants something so much more. But, what is it?????
That is my next challenge - to find what God wants me to live off of. I am now studying the "Fruits of the Spirit." What good things come from God? God wants me to get the fruit in life from Him and not from this world. It doesn't take a psychologist to know that pornography is not a beneficial fruit (Charlie Sheen does not make a good role model).
I am not studying the Bible because I "think it is right." Although, I do think it is right, this is not the sole purpose. If this was the sole purpose I would have done it years ago. I am doing it because God has called me into a deeper relationship over and over again. If it were anyone else they would have given up. But, He hasn't, and heaven knows we still have a long way to go.
