I took another day off today, but I feel I am finally catching up from the crazy Holidays. Once march comes I will have a little to no free time. So, I feel almost obligated to take a step back, rest, and focus on the goals.
Sometimes I feel such a need to write and express myself I could burst. Anyway, this is what flowed onto the paper this morning......
God I pray that I feel a burden when you feel a burden and joy when you feel joy. Sometime I create my own burdens such as anxious thoughts, lack of control in the actions of others, being the first to say I am not good enough. Sometimes I create my own joy such as thinking I am better than someone else and believing I will have more happiness after achieving something. All of this is "me" centered. God is no where near the middle. When I focus on God his burdens and joys become much more visible. I've been moved to tears by a friend's baby's heart surgery. The tragedy at Sandy Hook Elem. gave me a glance at devestation I didn't know existed. Watching the colors at dusk is one of God's beautiful art projects that takes my breath away. My heart rejoices with those that spend 2 weeks helping those still in need from Hurricane Katrina 7 years ago. God's heart has so much more life than mine.
This morning I learned that "Spiritual Gifts" are gifts given to us by the Spirit when we receive salvation and follow Jesus (http://www.churchgrowth.org/cgi-cg/gifts.cgi?intro=1). My test results were surprisingly not phrophecy, administration, or musical gifts. Although, I can "bust a move" on the dance floor (and bust a move I will!!). No, my result was "mercy showing." I cry with others, I laugh with others. Essentially, there is less logic in my head and whole heap of emotions in my heart. This is a gift? Honestly, if I had to choose my spiritual gift it would be something else. I would be playing the guitar right along side Robbie Rider at Crossroads Church. Or I would spend huge increments of time acquiring knowledge of the Bible so I can be the most equipped to spread the word. But, no, I cry and laugh more than the average person.
I should have put all this infomation together on my own instead of from a church website. Ever since college I have grown closer and closer to Jesus. That has led me to be more and more emotional. In high school I rarely cried. I was brought to tears probably twice in the whole four years. My senior year I wrote in an essay, "I am not sensitive" thinking I was a tough girl. Mrs. Brill, my English teacher at the time, commented "yes, you are!" I should send her a note today, "You were right. I am very sensitive, ever since God took up my heart!"
Matthew 22:36-40 36 "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" 37 Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
John 15:9-13 9 "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10 If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
Romans 12:8-10 8 if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully. 9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.
1 Corinthians 13 1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12 Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
