Iconic Image

You believe no one wants to be close to you. I know your iconic image and how much you appreciate being behind it. I know you love to appear as if "flying on the seat of your pants" is the best thing. I know your sense of adventure and compassionate heart.  I know you would make a great father one day. I know more than you know. Because, you see, you were an open book to me. I know what you are really searching for is a place to call home. Even though you never have "the balls" to admit it. I know your defense mechanisms and weaknesses.  You told me of the pointless dates you went on. I know your list for what your dream girl would have. I know I qualify for every detail. I know we aren't meant to be. I know... I know... I know. One day, I trust, I will wish nothing but the best for you. But, right now, today, I wish you knew that you will never find someone as beautiful as me. I grew sick of only being a listening ear and compassionate heart for you. Which, is because, I am so much more.

California Dreams

      Winter is the season where everything that needs to die does.  Spring brings the new with blooming flowers and long days full of sunshine.  Over this winter something died in my life.  It was a dream that deluded my thoughts.  There was happiness, drama, and butterflies floating around in my stomach.  But, with all things that aren't strong enough, it ended. 

     I am not living my life under the influence of pretty, little lies and there is pain.  This pain will lead me to the truth.


    Everyday that I get a bit closer to the truth I make promises to myself.  This delusion won't get the better of me.  I will kick it's butt.  I promise to work out hard and gain physical strength.  I promise to work hard, helping people with the faith I have in God.  I promise not to give up on the dream of truth. Which, this is that a man will pursue me because he is ready for love in life.  He will be a man that wants to lead a family.  He won't be so self-indulgent that using others is inevitable.


   One day I may be writing a blog about a man.  Until then, I express the steps that are taken until the relationship is found.  The last step revealed how much love I could feel and how ready I am to share it.  I am ready for commitment, not just spontaneous passion. When I say "commitment" I mean readiness to make the decision day in, and day out of sacrificing for and loving somebody else. It's only taken three decades and numerous emotional encounters to prove that I am ready.   


    Yesterday was the first day of spring.  I am getting on my hands and knees for God's truth and opportunities to take over.  I won't take this laying down.