California Dreams

      Winter is the season where everything that needs to die does.  Spring brings the new with blooming flowers and long days full of sunshine.  Over this winter something died in my life.  It was a dream that deluded my thoughts.  There was happiness, drama, and butterflies floating around in my stomach.  But, with all things that aren't strong enough, it ended. 

     I am not living my life under the influence of pretty, little lies and there is pain.  This pain will lead me to the truth.


    Everyday that I get a bit closer to the truth I make promises to myself.  This delusion won't get the better of me.  I will kick it's butt.  I promise to work out hard and gain physical strength.  I promise to work hard, helping people with the faith I have in God.  I promise not to give up on the dream of truth. Which, this is that a man will pursue me because he is ready for love in life.  He will be a man that wants to lead a family.  He won't be so self-indulgent that using others is inevitable.


   One day I may be writing a blog about a man.  Until then, I express the steps that are taken until the relationship is found.  The last step revealed how much love I could feel and how ready I am to share it.  I am ready for commitment, not just spontaneous passion. When I say "commitment" I mean readiness to make the decision day in, and day out of sacrificing for and loving somebody else. It's only taken three decades and numerous emotional encounters to prove that I am ready.   


    Yesterday was the first day of spring.  I am getting on my hands and knees for God's truth and opportunities to take over.  I won't take this laying down.