Usually, I write like there's no tomorrow. I'm relentless; I don't care what other people think; I pour my entire self into it with no filter.
This blog is different. It's not easy and I'm, honestly, a little scared. This is a sequel to a blog post I have already written. God is giving me truth that there will be many, many sequels to this post. The details are fuzzy, since the future isn't in my hands, but God's. I pray, that not myself is creatively expressed, but God's story is in this writing.
"How many kids do you want?" he asked on our first date. Prior to this, only two 3-minute conversations were held with him. Unless you count the exchange we had discussing the weather. That happened as well:)
Surprisingly, when he asked this question I was feeling peace. My eyes drifted off, lost in thought.
"Three" I answered in full confidence. I knew close to nothing about this guy except what God had already told me. This included he had just embarked on turning his life around, God had and is saving him, and we has been working really hard. It was excitement and nerves that battled in my brain. Something big was about to happen.
"Big Love, Big Love," God had told me for years leading up to this. "Big Love, Big Love... this is Big Love," God said.
"Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice and the God of peace with be with you." -Phill. 4:9
Rewind to last summer. I was 31 with a dating history that included countless first dates and one long relationship of 5 months. Finding the right man to marry had been a constant prayer of mine, that at times, consisted of no words.
"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." -Romans 8:26
In July, early one morning, God had given me a vision of the man ha had plans of me marrying. The vision was a man sitting at the end of his bed with his head in his hands. He was feeling "crashed and burned." Those were the exact words from God. But, he had decided to turn his life around and God told me he is saving him.
Around this same time my mom and best friend started praying for my future husband on their own accord. This propelled me to also start praying for him. Then, in November, God told me "weather like" circumstances we keeping us apart at that point. He explained that just like bad weather happens on earth, circumstances were keeping us apart until His timing brought us together. I felt total peace with this and I had no argument. I knew God's timing would be the best for me and for my future husband.
The next week I sat down and wrote this mystery man a letter that started with, "Dear Future Husband,...."
Exactly 3 weeks later my car's check engine light was flashing while I waited at a red light. With no knowledge of this symptom or anything that has to do with cars I could only mutter, "God what should I do?" The fear of my car stalling was overwhelming. A little river of peace started flowing at the thought of, "take it to Christian Brothers Automotive."
The next morning I walked into the auto shop to drop my car off. It had been a whirlwind of a week and I just wanted to rip this Band-Aid off!
The guy standing at the counter looked super nervous. It looked like it was his first day on the job. I wanted him to know I had a little knowledge of what was going on with my car so they wouldn't rip me off.
"Hi, can I help you?" he stammered.
"Yes, I just called you... " I started.
"Oh yeah" he interrupted me, "you were going to drop your car off early. You need an oil change and what else...?" he asked.
"My check engine is flashing at red lights and Auto Zone tested it and it read "misfire in Cylinder 4" They advised me to buy parts for a tune-up but I checked my receipts and I had a tune-up at 90,000 miles. My step-father told me it could be a coil or a wire to a spark plug, " I finished.
"Ok," the look on his face showed he was slightly entertained, "we can do a diagnostic test for $79.99." I had to comply, obviously. To finish up this transaction he had me sign some paper.
"Cold out there," he said as I quickly signed my name.
"Yeah," I stated "but no worries, it will be 56 on Saturday."
"It's suppose to rain, but I do like that the weather will be better on my day off... will you be staying here or is someone picking you up?" he asked.
"Oh yeah.." I said, "I'm actually going to run next door to Chase and someone is picking me up there... Thank you!!" as I rushed out.
It was an interesting experience when he called to explain the diagnosis. Between the bad connection and my little knowledge of cars I didn't understand a word he said.
"I'm sorry, I can't hear you," I declared.
"Did you hear the price?" he asked.
"uhhh... no"
"$2770.00 " he stated point blank.
I was at a loss of words and all I could ask was, "does that include the oil change?" He was polite and reassured me it did.
My car was surprisingly ready the next day. He called to tell me the news. It was during a rush of activity at home and an before the auto shop closed. He told me to call the shop if I was going to come in and pick it up that night. In a frenzy, I asked my Uncle Stu to drop me off and I forgot to call.
When I got there I was instructed by you to wait a few minutes. I sat nervously on the couch, waiting to pay $3000.
Finally, you leaned over the two-foot deep counter and told me, "I don't know how long this quality check test will take... If your car is not done before we close you can't hold it against me! I told you to call!" It was as if he had this weighed on his mind since I walked in and he couldn't hold it in anymore.
"I know... I know... I'm sorry," was all I could give voice to.
Looking back now, you struck me as being passionate and personal in that moment.
Since this bad possibility had been added to the chaotic situation I stood up and started pacing with my 50 dollar Visa gift card, 200 dollars in cash, and my credit card.
Later, you replayed this moment for me on our second date, "you were just walking around with all these little cards. Then when you laid them down on the counter I looked down at them and thought 'interesting.'"
I actually thought "I can't believe I get to marry this guy!!!" God had already laid so much truth on my heart.
"The faith and love that spring from the hope that is stored up for you in heaven and that you have already heard about in the word of truth, the gospel that has come to you. All over the world this gospel is bearing fruit and growing, just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and understood God's grace in all it's truth." -Colossians 1:6-7
During that crazy Friday evening of picking up my car and paying a large sum of money for it God whispered, "the guy you have been praying for."
Where this peaceful thought came from felt like "left field." If was the voice of God. My mind was in overdrive and it certainly couldn't have come from my own train of thoughts.
"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." -Isaiah 55:9
This peaceful truth happened right after you told me, "I just moved here from Kentucky. It's just me, my son, and my dad." The vibe that you were VERY single was strong.
Then you asked me what I do for a living. I gave you the same story I tell everyone, "My Aunt and I run an in-home day care.... "
"Oh.." you said, "What's the name of it?"
"Ughhh... nothing," I said quietly.
""That's cool," you said calmly, "it's just for friends and family?"
"Yeah, something like that," I wasn't too sure where this conversation was going.
Lastly, you exclaimed, "I need to find a place to take my son! Right now my aunt is watching him." I just nodded my head, processing everything around me and what God had just said moments ago.
When the Visa gift card and cash had been deducted from my car bill I picked up my credit card. I announced, "Now the bad boy!" as I slid it through.
"Bad boy," you said quietly, chuckling to yourself. Caught off guard by this subtle, yet strong vibe, I couldn't even look up.
A couple minutes later you brought me my keys. You held them out a few seconds while looking at me. After that strong pause, you dropped them in my hand.
As I walked out that evening, I was simply glad to have me car back. The vibes you game me and what God had told me hadn't suck in yet.
It took me three days to just tell my mom about it. This is what I text her on Monday, Dec. 19th:
"So I met a guy who struck some kind of chord with me.... He might be the guy that God has been guiding me to pray for...I don't know. He works at the Chrisian Brothers Automotive Shop... I don't want to send you this text because it may be far from anything.. But I can't stop thinking about it... All I know is I know where I am getting my oil change" "there was just a still quiet voice in me that paid attention to him and I got a sense that he could have been the guy God told me about..."
After I gave my mom the rest of the details she advised me to stop in at Christian Brothers Automotive and tell you about the day care. Also, a car mechanic informed me I needed new back brakes. A tentative plan was forming in my head and I was scared to my core to follow through.
A few nights later, the Thursday before Christmas, my family and I saw "Awaited" at Crossroads.
"Go in tomorrow and tell him about the day care! I'm telling you Sarah, ANY parent would appreciate it," my mom announced after I brought up this dream-like circumstance again.
That next morning I woke up late, around 9a.m. Laying there I thought, "I'm just going to do it today. Why not?" Since I couldn't answer that question I put a little concealer under my eyes; made and drank my protein shake; threw on my tightest black yoga pants, REI jacket, and casual boots. Finally, I threw a big, white scarf around my neck. It was the best I could do for a 'casual chick, Christmas Eve's Eve' look.
Looking back now, both God and the devil were at work. Fear in any situation is not from God and the devil is trying to sabotage God's plan. Luckily for us, God is much stronger. Faith in Him can move mountains.
"You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than he who is in the world." -1 John 4:4
Sitting there at the red light on Cincinnati-Dayton Rd. and Fountains Blvd. I was scared for when it would turn green. It would lead to being that much closer to the shop. I was scared of having to set an appointment to get my brakes checked. I was scared of asking if you still needed day care. However, I declared, "God is stronger than my feelings.... "and I pushed the gas at green.
After parking, I walked in to find you sitting at a computer with your back towards me. Your boss looked at you and you slowly turned around. You didn't appear happy as you asked what I needed that day. I told you my back brakes needed to be checked. As I told you my name a smile started to grow on your face. I asked if I could buy the brakes at Auto Zone beforehand.
You slouched down towards me, cocked your head closer to me and sweetly explained, "No, you can't.. we used to allow it, but sometimes customers bought the wrong size parts and such."
After the appointment was set we both exclaimed to one another, "See you on Tuesday at 1:00!" Then you finished it with, "Have a Merry Christmas!" I took a half of a step towards the door. Quickly, I stopped and turned to face you again.
I put my purse on the counter and asked, "Did you still need day care?? Then, I went on, "my aunt is always asking me if I know of any parents who are looking... I could give you my phone number?" You hurriedly whipped around and grabbed a yellow pad of paper and pen to lay it all down in front of me.
"Oh yeah, I'll have to check it out," you said quietly as I scribbled my digits down.
"Just text me," I told you, "and tell me when you are available and I will tell my Aunt."
I walked towards the door and turned a little towards you as you declared for the second time, "Merry Christmas!!"
Over text I declared to my mom and sister, "I ran my 'errand'"
"what is this errand?" Amy, my sister wanted to know.
"You know... just 'reeling' them in!" I stated.
About an hour later they both got the climatic text, "Yeah he just asked me out!:)"
I had been in the kitchen making lunch when you sent the question via text:
"I'm very glad your car is running well. I look forward to talking with you maybe over coffee or lunch?"
"By the way it's Nolan from Christian Brothers"
It had been eleven minutes after you sent it that I read it.
"He's probably sweating bullets," I thought.
I didn't delay a second, "Sure:) Sounds great:)" I typed.
We set the time and place: 2:30 pm @ Starbucks on Monday, December 26th.
The two days of waiting, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, my mind could hardly handle it. I joked with my mom that I was only a call away from the psychiatric ward. It was the longest weekend of my life!! One minute I was flying high with anticipation and the next minute doubts, fears, and nerves took over my mindset.
"He might just want to talk about the day care, " my sister warned me. My emotions swung in a downward spiral at the thought of that.
Finally, after that weekend of mental turmoil, Monday morning arrived. I woke up with a smile on my face and felt a whole lot more peace.
"Today will be one big smile:) No words people, no words!! #feelingcheeky #Ican'tstopsmiling" I wrote at 8:23 am on Facebook.
The temperature that day was a lot warmer than I expected. An hour and a half before our first date, standing in my bedroom, I threw my arms up in the air like a director and declared, "Ok, costume change!!"
While I was showering, picking a lighter outfit, and debating on a change of accessories you text me, "Just checking- does 2:30 still work for you?:)"
"Yeah, leaving now!" I responded, dashing out the door.
"Awesomeness!" your response kept me plugged in to stay positive about this.
I eased my way into the chair across from you at Starbucks.
"I got here a little early to make sure there would be a table for us," you told me.
"Oh, yeah, yeah," I said trying to keep the ball rolling. Which, I found out later, 'early' was an hour and a half so you could pray over this first date.
We talked, laughed, confessed, and listened for a few hours at that table. The highlight was when I asked you to guess my age.
"Well, with that smirk on your face... 24 or 25?" you guessed. I was in disbelief.
"32" I stated.
"How old do you think I am?" you joked back.
"30?" to a shake of 'no.'
"Older?" I asked. You shook your head 'no' and pointed your thumb down.
"28?"
"No" with thumb moving down.
"26?" I guessed which caused you to stop and think a second.
"Ok, I am almost 26" you reassured me.
I sat back a little. Afraid the age difference would be a deal breaker, I didn't know what to say.
Within a few minutes you asked, "Soooo, when can I see you again?" You were looking down at the table, but when you popped the question your eyes came up to meet mine. I sighed with relief and hit the ball back with "It's up to you. You sound busy" to your court.
"I'm busy? You sound busy with your painting classes... cycling classes.." you said with a smile.
As we left that day, the confirmation of what God had told me was in full swing.
"I had a great time!:) maybe this Wednesday night we can talk about daycare again;)" you wrote me within minutes after our first date.
Of course I wrote back with a joke included, ":) I had fun as well! Ok I will bring the day care contract for you to look over and possibly sign;) But yeah Wednesday night will work!"
Notes and Quotes from Nolan :
"The first time I saw you, when you walked through that door I thought 'If I'm going to marry... it's going to be a girl just like that'"
"We see these girls come in and the other guys will make comments about how attractive they are. 'Are you kidding me?' I ask "You poke their face and all that make-up will fall right off!' But, then when you walked in that day with no make-up I thought, 'Wow.....she is really beautiful.'"
"When you walked out of the shop that first day, dropping your car off I turned to my boss and said, 'I'm going to marry that girl!'"
Your boss' response? "Good luck! She's too good for you!"
"The reason it took me a second to drop your car keys in your hand was because you weren't meeting me half-way like other customers do.... so it took a second to stretch my hand out farther."
"It was the color, the coat, the scarf thrown every which way, the crazy hair... and you were as cute as a button... I turned to my boss after you left, threw my hands down and declared "c'mon!!!"
"I've been at Christian Brothers Automotive for about two months now..." (that was NOT his first day like originally assumed:))
***It's been almost 6 weeks since I first saw you Nolan. Yet, I already can't imagine my life without you. I'm so excited God chose you to be my husband, Handsome :)
